Nightmares
by Toria
Summary: Obi-Wan has a nightmare of a terrifying version of Qui-Gon and this nightmare starts to begin to distort his reality of Qui-Gon.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: Not mine and never will be!_

_A/n – Anything in italics is a direct quote from Jedi Apprentice #1 – The Rising Force._

**Chapter 1**

_Obi-Wan considered retiring to his cabin, but he knew he'd rather face Qui-Gon sooner than later. He suggested that Si Treemba get some rest, but the Arconan refused._

_They found the Jedi and Clat'Ha in the Arconans' lounge. Qui-Gon stood at the bar drinking some bluish juice. Clat'Ha stood near him, an untouched glass of juice sat in front of her on the bar. One look at them and Obi-Wan knew they both were aware of what had happened on the Offworld side of the ship._

_"At least you're still in one piece this time," Qui-Gon said, eyeing him coldly. "Well, did you discover anything?"_

_"No," Obi-Wan admitted. "Si Treemba was captured before we could fine the thermocoms."_

_"Obi-Wan rescued us," Si Treemba praised. "We were shackled to the floor and he stood up to Grelb the Hutt by himself –"_

_"A man who puts himself in the path of danger deserves to face it alone," Qui-Gon said sternly._

_Obviously, Obi-Wan's bravery did not impress him. Si Treemba quieted, shooting a look at Obi-Wan that said 'we tried'._

_"You deliberately disobeyed my order," Qui-Gon said evenly._

_"With respect, I am not under your charge, Qui-Gon Jinn," Obi-Wan said quietly. "As you keep reminding me."_

_Qui-Gon turned to him and stared a moment. Obi-Wan couldn't read what was behind that keen blue gaze. At last he spoke._ "Come to my cabin Obi-Wan, we will speak there."

Obi-Wan had not choice but to follow Qui-Gon from the room and go to his cabin. He wasn't going to disobey the man again so soon.

Once at his cabin Qui-Gon sat Obi-Wan down on his bed and he paced in front of the boy. He was giving them both a chance to collect their thoughts and he was also calming himself down.

"Obi-Wan, it's your choice," Qui-Gon began at last, "we can either contact the council and they can decide your punishment or, as your Master, I could punish you."

"Master?" Obi-Wan asked, "You mean you've taken me on as a padawan-learner?"

"Yes, I have. But we are talking about punishments. What is your choice, Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon didn't bother about being gentle.

"You can punish me, Master," Obi-Wan said in a small voice.

"As you wish," Qui-Gon said. "Sit over there," he nodded towards a chair facing the corner of the room.

'Great!' Obi-Wan thought as he walked over to the chair. 'I get to spend the evening looking at two walls!' Once he sat down in the chair iron cuffs fastened round his wrists and ankles. Obi-Wan could see this turning out to be a long evening. He was secured to the chair.

Qui-Gon was sat at his desk going through some notes on his datapad when he thought of something. If Obi-Wan was going to be his padawan, the lad would need the official braid of apprenticeship. All lads at the Jedi Temple grew out a piece of hair behind their right ear. Obi-Wan had his piece tied back in his small short ponytail. At that moment Obi-Wan began to fidget.

Before walking over to the boy, Qui-Gon activated the cuff that fastened its self around Obi-Wan's stomach, bounding him more tightly to the chair.

Obi-Wan tensed up as he saw Qui-Gon walk towards him. He stayed still as Qui-Gon turned his head, so that his left cheek was against the back of the chair. What was the Jedi going to do to him? Obi-Wan had to admit he was scared. He didn't dare move his head.

"Close your eyes, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon's voice broke into his thoughts. Obi-Wan obeyed his Master.

Qui-Gon slowly undone Obi-Wan's ponytail, took out the longer piece of hair and redone the ponytail. He then began to braid Obi-Wan's hair. Once finished he briefly touched Obi-Wan's face. Obi-Wan didn't move and he kept his eyes closed. Qui-Gon gently turned his head round again.

"You can open your eyes, I've finished now," he said to Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan's eyes sprung open and Qui-Gon went back to his notes. The braid felt weird behind Obi-Wan's ear.

Out of boredom, Obi-Wan began to move his head to see which way his braid fell. After a while this earned him a look from Qui-Gon. He did not meet his Master's gaze.

"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said. Obi-Wan turned his head so he could look at his Master. "I know you're bored, it's part of the punishment. You know that, don't you?"

"Yes Master."

"Fidgeting and avoiding my gaze will not help you."

Obi-Wan did not meet his Master's gaze when he said, "Yes Master."

"Obi-Wan, you do understand what I just said, don't you?" Qui-Gon asked his young apprentice.

"Yes Master," Obi-Wan said, but he said it to his knees.

"Obi-Wan, if you won't look at me while we're talking, I will have to make you," Qui-Gon said.

Obi-Wan whipped his head round. "What do you mean, Master?"

"It's too late for that now, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said when Obi-Wan turned his head.

Obi-Wan closed his eyes for a moment, trying to calm himself down. When he opened them, Qui-Gon was stood next to him.

Qui-Gon put his hand on his apprentice's forehead and began to push his head back. Obi-Wan's eyes were wide and Qui-Gon knew that the lad was scared. Once he had pushed Obi-Wan's head back to a certain point he said "Close your eyes." The lad obeyed him.

Qui-Gon took his lightsaber off his belt and placed it under Obi-Wan's chin. "What have I just placed under your chin, Obi-Wan?" he then asked the lad.

"Your lightsaber Master," Obi-Wan tried hard not to let his voice shake.

"Keep your eyes shut," Qui-Gon ordered as a metal cuff fastened its self round Obi-Wan's neck.

Obi-Wan's breathing became unsteady, he wasn't afraid to admit he was scared now. "Master?" he asked.

"Yes Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon's voice was cold.

"What's going on?"

"Just hold still and it'll be over before you know it."

Obi-Wan done as he was told. Qui-Gon was holding him underneath his chin and had his other hand resting on top of his head. Obi-Wan did not know what was going to happen next.

He found out soon enough. Qui-Gon held his head still and another metal cuff went across his forehead, bounding his head to the chair. Obi-Wan found he couldn't move his head up or down or sideways. He was trapped.

"Don't try to move," Qui-Gon remarked, seeing his attempts. "Just sit still and open your eyes."

When Obi-Wan opened his eyes he found Qui-Gon looking straight into his. His Master had positioned his head so that he had to look at him. "Obi-Wan, you do understand why I've done this, don't you?" Qui-Gon asked with great gentleness.

Obi-Wan went to nod his head, realised that he couldn't and then said "Yes, Master." This created a bit of a pause.

"That was a long pause for someone who was just going to say yes," Qui-Gon commented.

"I went to nod my head and realised I couldn't Master," Obi-Wan told him.

"Are you sure, Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon checked.

"I can not lie to you Master," Obi-Wan informed him earnestly.

"So do you understand why I'm punishing you?" Qui-Gon asked, rocking backwards on his heels but still keeping his gaze locked with Obi-Wan's.

"Because I deserve it," Obi-Wan said simply.

"Why do you deserve it?" Qui-Gon prompted.

Obi-Wan lowered his gaze a bit, but this turned out to be a mistake as he got a sharp "Obi-Wan!" from Qui-Gon.

Obi-Wan meekly met Qui-Gon's gaze saying, "Because I was stupid Master."

Now that Obi-Wan had to look at his Master he was beginning to feel very guilty. He had risked peace on the ship for nothing and the first thing his Master had to do was punish him.

But Qui-Gon wasn't like a normal Master. Other Master's would give you a severe scolding and set you some extra chores and tasks. Qui-Gon hadn't even chided him gently. He had used a sharp tone once and didn't seem eager to use it again. Obi-Wan couldn't decide if this was lucky or not. On one hand it meant Qui-Gon wasn't going to explode at him. On the other, he didn't know what Qui-Gon was going to do.

Qui-Gon stayed quiet, sensing that something was going on inside Obi-Wan. He didn't rebuke the lad when he slipped away from his gaze. After a short period of time, Obi-Wan raised his gaze again and looked at Qui-Gon.

A small smile tugged at the corner of Qui-Gon's mouth. "Is your head clear now?" he asked.

So his Master had sensed the struggle going on inside him. Obi-Wan began to open his mouth to say yes... and stopped. That wouldn't be truthful, he was still quite confused.

"Tell me what you are thinking Padawan," Qui-Gon ordered him quietly.

Obi-Wan paused for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. He wanted to confide in his Master but he didn't know what to say. Qui-Gon stayed silent, knowing what he was asking was hard.

Another quarter of an hour had passed and neither Master nor apprentice had said a thing.

All Obi-Wan wanted now was a way to make it better for his Master. Obi-Wan could have said he was sorry, but to Obi-Wan sorry was but a mere word, which anyone could use and not mean.

"Let's leave it there for today," Qui-Gon finally said while releasing Obi-Wan from the chair.

Obi-Wan stood up and stretched, his muscles glad to have the freedom to move again. He then paused, wondering what to do now. Qui-Gon stood a pace away from him, watching.

Obi-Wan glanced at Qui-Gon as if to sat 'what now?'. "You can either stay here and have a talk with me or you can go to your own cabin and learn one of you Temple lessons, padawan," Qui-Gon told him.

Obi-Wan thought for a moment and then went and stood near Qui-Gon, as learning his lessons wasn't very exciting.

On seeing that Obi-Wan was not going to make any attempt to leave his cabin, Qui-Gon put his arm around the lads shoulders and they sat next to each other on Qui-Gon's bed. When they sat down, Qui-Gon half kept his arm around Obi-Wan's shoulders but he placed his hand on the back of the lad's neck.

Qui-Gon ignored the questioning look Obi-Wan gave him when he placed his hand on his neck but started the conversation by saying; "About your earlier comment, Padawan. You are not stupid."

"Yes I am," Obi-Wan argued but he could not look Qui-Gon in the eyes when he said it. He was glad for the praise.

Obi-Wan slipped off into his own thoughts again, telling himself that he was stupid but he shouldn't be arguing with his Master. He knew that was wrong.

Qui-Gon had seen Obi-Wan's avoiding his gaze and his loss of focus coming. The lad was so deeply lost in his own thoughts that he didn't notice when Qui-Gon tightened his grip on his neck. Qui-Gon was glad that Obi-Wan didn't notice, it meant teaching his this lesson would be easier as the element of surprise was needed. Qui-Gon took his chance.

Suddenly Obi-Wan felt Qui-Gon pull on his neck with a force that jerked his head back. He found himself looking into Qui-Gon's stern eyes.

"Is it just me, or when an apprentice is listening to his elder, he looks at them and gives them respect. Is that true, Obi-Wan?" Qui-Gon asked, looking very fierce.

"It is true, master."

"Then why do you do neither?" Qui-Gon pulled Obi-Wan's neck and head back even further, making it very uncomfortable for the boy. Obi-Wan stayed silent. There was no proper answer to a question like that.

"I asked you a question so I expect an answer," Qui-Gon left loose of Obi-Wan's neck but he held the lads head back with a fist full of his hair.

Obi-Wan's dark eyes filled with tears as Qui-Gon held him firmly by his hair. He never thought that the normally gentle calm Qui-Gon could give out such horrible punishments to his padawan.

Obi-Wan kept eye contact with Qui-Gon but he didn't answer the question. Qui-Gon tugged on Obi-Wan's hair a little harder and ordered, "Answer me!"

Obi-Wan opened his mouth to do so but he couldn't speak. He felt a warm salty tear roll down his cheek, an effect of the pain Qui-Gon was inflicting on him.

Another tear soon followed and then another and another, until Obi-Wan could do nothing but cry. And all the time Qui-Gon just looked at him, as if he were pathetic and weak.

Obi-Wan awoke and sat bolt upright in his own cabin, with sweat and tears poruing down his face.

_Please, please, please review!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Anything in italics is a direct quote from Jedi Apprentice #1 The Rising Force._

_Master Kaym_ – yeah, I don't like how Qui was acting in Obi-Wan's nightmare either! And Obi-Wan certainly doesn't! Thanks for the review!

**Chapter 2**

Obi-Wan took a deep breath and told himself that it was just a nightmare. He wasn't Qui-Gon's apprentice and Qui-Gon was not evil. Besides, he was safe in his own cabin on the _Monument _after landing it on some remote planet after the pirate attack. Qui-Gon was not going to hurt him. The man was injured. The man had also told him that he did not want him as an apprentice. Not even after all that had happened. But Obi-Wan couldn't blame him really; he hadn't handled the stolen thermocoms incident very well, nor the stolen dactyl and the confrontation with Jemba. But Qui-Gon had gently instructed and corrected him both times.

'Yeah, but he only doesn't punish you because you're not his apprentice' a small voice in the back of his head said, the part which was still clinging on to the nightmare as real. 'Imagine what it would be like if you were his apprentice, you'd be lucky if you could still walk!'

Obi-Wan left the small cabin and wandered aimlessly around, thinking hard. He was however, careful to stay away from the Offworld side of the ship. He didn't even want to imagine what Qui-Gon's reaction would be if he was caught on Offworld territory again! _He ended up near the engine rooms, staring out at the wasteland of the unnamed planet._

_Five moons, in shades of red and blue, hung like ripe fruits out over a silent ocean. A flight of draigons hovered high in the air, asleep on the wing. The island shore was nothing more than a treacherous bit of wave-carved rock. Farther inland, dark volcanic peaks vented steam and there draigons perched by the hundreds._

Staring out at the sight, Obi-Wan thought hard. Did he deserve to be a Jedi? Probably not. Did he really want to be Qui-Gon Jinn's apprentice? If he was anything like in his nightmare, then no. But that question didn't really matter anymore. The Jedi Master was never going to take him on as an apprentice, and he had accepted this. In truth, he was, now, slightly relieved about the fact. Once his mission on Bandomeer was over, Qui-Gon would leave and he could never hurt Obi-Wan or make him cry with his overly harsh punishments.

The door opened and Si Treemba entered, telling Obi-Wan that he had been looking for him. Obi-Wan told him that he needed to think and shared his thoughts with Si Treemba. "Was it greed for him to want to become a Jedi Knight so much?" But now he wasn't so sure that he did want to become a Jedi Knight; he could still feel the pain as Qui-Gon held his head back by his hair. Unbidden, tears came to his eyes.

And then Si Treemba was telling him that it was not greed for him to want to do well and to spread good, which is what Jedi Knights did. Si Treemba brought him back to the present with the nightmare about Qui-Gon only a faint echo in the back of his mind. Talking to Si Treemba helped to clear his mind. Si Treemba had said that he would help him to control his anger and in his mind Obi-Wan knew that he wanted help with this not because he did still want to become a Jedi Knight and Jedi Knights had to be calm in the face of opponents, but more because he did not want to have to face Qui-Gon's reaction if he lost his temper because of Jemba again. Obi-Wan spoke to Si Treemba of many things and told him that he had come to realise that Qui-Gon would never take him on as an apprentice and how it felt that a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He spoke nothing of the nightmare though, and concluded to Si Treemba that being a good person was more important than being a Jedi Knight. And now in his mind, safer and less painful, because becoming a Jedi Knight meant becoming Qui-Gon Jinn's apprentice. Obi-Wan ended the conversation by promising to Si Treemba that he would help him in return and that he would not leave him to die because of a lack of dactyl.

The next morning things got worse, they had to abandon ship and go and hide in the caves because there was a chance of it flooding. 'What was Qui-Gon going to say?! Why hadn't he tried to land the ship further inland?' Obi-Wan panicked. After a restless night, Obi-Wan had arose, very glad of the fact that he was not Qui-Gon Jinn's Jedi apprentice and that the man would not punish him for his blunder.

Sat in a dank cave with Si Treemba, Obi-wan was glad of the fact that the man had gone off by himself, yet as glad as he was that he did not have to spend time alone with the man, part of him wished that the man had asked for his help, just this once, even if he was never going to be the man's Jedi apprentice. Obi-Wan knew that a large part of him still wanted to become a Jedi Knight more than anything else, even if it meant that he had to become Qui-Gon Jinn's Jedi apprentice to be able to accomplish it.

Sat in a dark cave surrounded by dying Arconan's, Obi-Wan was scared, the same fear he had felt in his nightmare was back. Where was Qui-Gon? Was he just going to abandon them all to death? Was he as cruel as Obi-wan had envisioned in his nightmare? The nightmare... Obi-Wan still shuddered to think about it. Never again would he cross Qui-Gon Jinn. The man was cold and ruthless, he could see that now, even if he was one of the best Jedi in the order. The man was going to leave him here, powerless to help Si Treemba, his friend, and the rest of the Arconan's as they slowly died in a dank cave of some wasteland of a planet. Was this his punishment for disobeying the man? He would never do it again, that Obi-Wan was certain of. Not if this was the price he had to pay. It was as bad as in his nightmare and now Obi-Wan knew. He knew that the Qui-Gon in his nightmare was what the man was truly like.

_Please, please, please review!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Anything in italics is a direct quote from Jedi Apprentice Number 1 – The Rising Force.

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Chapter 3 

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Obi-Wan was terrified and he wasn't afraid to admit it. All around him Arconans were dieing and he knew that it was his entire fault. All this was happening because Qui-Gon needed to teach him a lesson on how to handle delicate situations. The Jedi master was taking time to punish him, at the cost of innocent lives, and he wasn't even the man's apprentice. And at this moment he certainly didn't want to be. It was _his darkest moment._

_Darkest moment…_

_A memory stirred in Obi-Wan. He remembered a twilight conference with Yoda. "What is my limit and how will I know when I find it?" Obi-Wan had asked. "And if I am pushed to my last, where can I turn for help?"_

_That was when Yoda had told him that in moments of extreme danger, when he had done everything he could, he could use the Force to call another Jedi. "Close you must be," Yoda had said. "Connected."_

Then and there Obi-Wan knew what he had to do. He had to call to Qui-Gon. The man might ignore him, but he had to try! He couldn't just sit here and do nothing as a friend was slowly dieing. Obi-Wan couldn't control the Force properly yet, and he doubted he ever would, since he was never going to be an apprentice. Yet still, he gathered all his strength, but what to call out to Qui-Gon? He wanted to cry out that he was sorry, that he had learnt his lesson and he would take any other punishment than this. But he knew that that sounded weak and pathetic and he could still vividly remember the look on Qui-Gon's face in his nightmare, when he had started to cry. And he did not want to see that look again! So instead _he simply called: Qui-Gon! Come back now! The Arconans will die soon without dactyl. _He hoped that Qui-Gon would remember that there were innocent lives at stake, after all, the man had to have some sense of compassion, right? Even if Obi-Wan had never and would never see it. He was a Jedi Knight after all.

Obi-Wan was ready to groan in dismay when Jemba began his tricks again. And right now he didn't care that he was a "reject from the Temple" as Jemba called him, thank you very much! Being a farmer was certainly a lot better than being Qui-Gon Jinn's Jedi Apprentice, anyway.

He was so busy concentrating on keeping his anger in check, if Qui-Gon found out about this encounter at all he would be in trouble, but if he lost his temper as well… Obi-Wan didn't even want to think about that, that he jumped when he felt Qui-Gon calling to him. Did that mean they were connected? That they had a bond? Obi-Wan hoped not, because it meant that his chances of becoming the man's apprentice were a lot higher.

Obi-Wan was desperate to answer Qui-Gon's called and do as the man wanted – he was not going to disobey! He got frustrated when Jemba tried to stop him, _he was wasting time. Obi-Wan somersaulted once in the air, and landed in front of Jemba. Then using the momentum of his landing, he sprang over the Hutt's head. Obi-Wan landed on Jemba's back and the Hutt howled. _Obi-Wan hoped Qui-Gon didn't find out about what he had just done, he didn't think that the man would approve and he raced towards the mouth of the cave.

_One Whiphid fired his blaster at Obi-Wan's retreating form, but Obi-Wan managed to bring his lightsaber over his back and deflect the blow. He raced through the tunnels, past the startled Hutts and Whiphids. His need to find Qui-Gon was overpowering. He was astonished to feel the Jedi Knight's warning call, to feel his connection. _A connection that Obi-Wan didn't want, but there was no way that he was going to deliberately disobey Qui-Gon. He would do anything the man asked to avoid another punishment, nothing could be worse than another punishment. He shuddered, whilst he ran, at the thought of becoming Qui-Gon Jinn's apprentice. Surely, if he were the man's apprentice, the punishments would be twice as bad?

Obi-Wan ran from the cave only to stop short. He stared up at the sky in horror.

_At first, he'd thought it was just dark clouds. But now he realised that scores of draigons were blocking the sun. And they were all winging towards the caves. _What was Qui-Gon up to now? This couldn't be another punishment, could it? The man wasn't that evil, was he? Yes… Obi-Wan answered his own question. Yes, he is evil for doing this to me, not strict, well, he's that as well, but he's also evil, these are punishments! But where was Qui-Gon? The Jedi surely wouldn't leave him to handle this alone? The point of a punishment was to teach him a lesson, right? Well, there wasn't going to be much point if Qui-Gon managed to kill him was there? What was the lesson in that?

_Never in his young life had he imagined such terror. His legs went weak, and his mind was suddenly blank. He didn't know what to do. _Surely Qui-Gon had punished him enough, had taught him how to handle delicate situations by now? He didn't need this lesson, punishment, whatever Qui-Gon wanted to call it. Surely the Jedi knew that by now? And where was he? He wasn't going to leave him to handle this alone?

_Then he saw Qui-Gon heading toward him. Relief flooded him. The Jedi looked battered and bloody, and was holding one shoulder stiffly. Still, he was alive. _Which was more than Obi-Wan would be if Qui-Gon let him handle the situation alone. Still, Obi-Wan didn't want to head back into the cave and face Jemba again.

_"Did you get the dactyl?" Obi-Wan called.__  
Qui-Gon nodded. "The Arconans?" _

_"Still alive, but barely. Go, Qui-Gon. I'll hold the mouth of the cave."_ Qui-Gon! Qui-Gon! Why did I call him by his given name? Obi-Wan panicked. He's never given me leave to call him that! I should be calling him Sir, or Master Jinn, not Qui-Gon!

Obi-Wan expected Qui-Gon to argue, to send him back into the cave with the cave with the dactyl. After all, surely if I'm around, I'll be one doing all the tasks which are above him. The _Jedi Master merely gazed at him for a tenth of a second. In the Master's eyes, Obi-Wan saw respect and acceptance._ Why is he looking at me like that? How can he respect me when he keeps giving me all these horrible punishments? How can he respect me for taking them, when I deserve them? And he knows I deserve them.

_"I will return," Qui-Gon promised, and rushed into the caves_. So he is going to help me with this lesson, Obi-Wan mused. Just like a Master would help an Apprentice, yet I'm not his Apprentice, I don't want to be his Apprentice – he's evil! – but the chances of me becoming his Apprentice are looking a lot higher.

_In seconds, the draigons were on Obi-Wan. His lightsaber slashed and burned, sizzled and shrieked. Draigons roared in pain and fell before him. He was fighting better and stronger than he ever had, ever thought he could. _

_But he knew he could not hold the draigons for long._

Qui-Gon! Obi-Wan cried silently in his mind, careful not to reach out with the Force. I'm sorry, I've learnt the lesson you're trying to teach me, but what's the point in a lesson if it's going to kill me? Surely that defeats the object of the lesson?

Obi-Wan was not happy or impressed when Jemba came to taunt him and he had only just managed to dodge a blaster bolt that came out of nowhere and had hit Jemba. His tormentor was dead, and Obi-Wan didn't know what to feel about it, he was shocked.

_A draigon's cry wrenched Obi-Wan's attention back to his situation. He barely had time to thrust his lightsaber at the huge attacking mouth, then jump back. _

_"That was a little too close, I'd say," Qui-Gon remarked from behind hid. His lightsaber powered up and glowed green. "I think you could use some help."_ Great, Obi-Wan thought with an internal groan. Another lesson he has to teach me and another punishment to endure!


End file.
